I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
