The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
