Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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