Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Bring me that man meat
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
