I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
