i think i have herpe
just one?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
