i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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