I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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