Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
