I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
