Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
