I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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