So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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