I think I died a long time ago.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
