Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
