I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
