Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
