Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
