I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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