I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
