I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
