The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
