my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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