I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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