Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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