You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
