PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
