If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
