He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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