we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
