My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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