you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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