how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
