I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
