He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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