This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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