He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
