It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
