those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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