I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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