My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
