oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
