yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
