please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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