I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
whose parrot is this?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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