I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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