How'd it feel making her break her religion?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
