Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
