i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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