I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
